


Sweetheart

by moonlit_martyr



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: BDSM, Begging, Bondage, Breathplay, Collars, Crossdressing, Dacryphilia, Degradation, Dom/sub, Eventual Fluff, Eventual Happy Ending, Exhibitionism, F/M, Femdom, Florists, Fluff and Angst, Gags, Humiliation, Impact Play, Masochism, Mutual Masturbation, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Overstimulation, Pegging, Romance, Sadism, Sensation Play, Shibari, Tags May Change, Wax Play, but the rest will have a lot of it, lol bear with me, no smut in the first chapter
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-04
Updated: 2020-03-13
Packaged: 2021-03-01 04:20:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,529
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23019199
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonlit_martyr/pseuds/moonlit_martyr
Summary: Spencer Reid figures out he's a sub and does what anyone else would do. Joins a BDSM dating website - in which he manages to find you. He's in for a hell of a ride.(aka Spencer gets introduced into being submissive through y/n and he realizes he's in for a wild ride)
Relationships: Spencer Reid/Reader
Comments: 3
Kudos: 126





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> im double uploading this fic on here and on tumblr! same username but with a dash in the middle. i just felt like a fic of this size and nature would fit on here. basically you're a dom and spencers a sub and you two really like eachother and you introduce him to bdsm and all that. everyone always practice being safe, sane and consensual and happy reading. first chapther is smut free but the next few will start to include it.

Spencer Reid was certainly a lot of things. He was a lover of the arts, someone who had a particular affinity for 15th-century literature, a magician at best, a theater nerd at worst, and a teacher when life called for it. He loves the world even when it’s really dark and he loves sleeping in even more. He loves his friends and they love him too - even when they pretend that his random facts annoy them. Spencer Reid was a friend, an FBI agent, a genius with an IQ of 187, and a son to a mother he loves wholly. He was a lot of things and for the most part - he knew a lot about what he really loved to do. He supposed that it’s been like that his whole life.

It’s not everyday that he discovers something new about himself. About everything else? Always. He loves to learn, but about himself? There’s never all that much on the frontier.

It’s hard to say, because of that, when Spencer discovered he was a sub. It’s difficult to pinpoint a specific time and place, or even how the pieces got put together. He just remembers how it felt when it hit him, like a freight train going 100 miles an hour into a concrete wall. Or a plane crashing onto an island. Or like a fly hitting the glass panes of a delivery truck. He remembers the feeling when he was deftly reminded of this fact. Spencer Reid was a sub - through and through and he wasn’t really sure what to make of it.

Surprisingly to most of his direct peers, Spencer wasn’t a virgin. He’d had sex with 2 people who he’d been kinda friends with at some point, but it always got a little weird after that. The second time though, the girl ended up choking him a little bit when she got off and Spencer thought he had died. Not in a bad way, more in a “I’m so turned on by this I feel like I’ve genuinely gone to heaven,” sort of way. He didn’t think it was possible for a sexual encounter to make him feel like that but it did. It didn’t stop after that either, which was the most agitating part. 

Spencer doesn’t consider himself a sexual person. Sex is about intimacy and companionship, and hopefully love when he finds that someday. Sex isn’t necessarily about pleasure but that wasn’t an easy lesson to learn.

Spencer just wanted to understand - so like any great genius he participated in thought experiments. It’s normally a female superhero/supervillain that crosses his mind (he has an affinity for Poison Ivy), and he just kinda imagines what it would be like if they did what she did. The choking turned him on, but it wasn’t enough. Through that, he figures out that he had more than a choking kink and that he was more than a little interested in a partner having complete access to him. He thought about it for weeks and the getting off was working for him but he couldn’t get the fantasy out of his head. He wanted more - he wanted someone to fulfill his wishes.

It was too much for him to ignore. Those months of being able to hold off through masturbating are over and he’s just sorta itching. Aching to act on those impulses with another person who can give him what he needs, and he doesn’t want it to be transactional. Maybe it’s too ideal to want a partner out of such an endeavor but was it so wrong? To want real affection and romance from someone who could also overpower him wasn’t a crime and he’d be damned if he pretended to want any less. Spencer was just searching, even if it was rather desperately. 

So, when Spencer finds himself on a BDSM dating site and he feels like his life is in shambles, he can only blame himself. It’s not something he’d normally do but he’s getting a little more than relentless about it but he also just wants to see what’s out there. He’s so out of it was it happens, it felt like he was being possessed as he made a fake email and wrote out his account information. Definitely blaming it on possession, he thinks. 

It’s too late to go back, as he scrolls through tons of profiles of rather intense looking people. He’s not surprised, this is where people go to express themselves. They’re entitled to that, it just sucks since he’s just not ready for such levels of intensity. He wonders if he’s in too deep yet, but he figures he’d hit that mark a long time ago and keeps scrolling through profiles. There wasn’t much to go off of, many people not choosing to use photos for the sake of anonymity, which was good for Spencer. He clicks onto his own profile, reading his own bio carefully.

_USERNAME: DOC187_

_**SUB** / SWITCH / DOM _

_**M** / F / O_

_FETISHES: N/A_

_BIO: Interest in a dominant female companion. Completely inexperienced._

Spencer feels ridiculous, but he doubts anyone would even message him. He doesn’t have much on his profile and he keeps things short for that purpose. He wanted to stay as low to the ground as possible - more curious to explore what was going in the world than to find anything legitimate. He scrolls through hundreds of profiles, mostly of people who were BDSM vets looking for new connections or fun. Some people catch his eye but they don’t match his interests so he doesn’t bother.

Except, one profile. The bio was beyond interesting to Spencer.

_USERNAME: MISS—LILAC_

_SUB / SWITCH / **DOM**_

_M / **F** / O _

_FETISHES: Sadomasochist, Degradation, Humiliation, Pegging, Overstimulation, Edging, Crossdressing, Exhibitionism, Mutual Masturbation, Dacryphilia, Shibari/Gags/Bondage, Wax Play, Impact Play, Breath Play, General Sensation Play, Discipline, Collaring, Begging. Willing to try most things._

_BIO: Interested in submissive males of any experience level. Helps if you’re interesting and like to read and watch indie films. Looking for genuine connection and plenty of good banter. Curly hair is nice too. lol._

Before Spencer can think about it for too long his mouse clicks over that stupid little message button next to your profile. Spencer shakes his head at his own existence as he types you a message. Says you’re online right now, but Spencer’s sure he won’t get a response for a while.

_DOC187: Seems I fit who you’re interested in. I even have the curly hair._

Spencer chews on his nails anxiously before he sighs at himself. He has no clue what’s gotten into him belle before he can think he sees your 3-dotted bubble pop up. He feels his body wracked with nerves.

_MISS—LILAC: I’m guessing you like to read and watch indie films too?_

Spencer smiles. You seem interesting and the fact that the two of you were just talking normal was making Spencer happy.

_DOC187: Indeed. I’m a sucker for 15-century literature and anything in Russian and foreign language. You?_

_MISS—LILAC: 15th century huh? I’ll assume Chaucer. And Russian? You’re interesting, doc. I’m more modern and English, hope you’re not deterred._

Spencer smiles, surprised that you recognize an author as niche as Chaucer. He shakes his head at your commentary. He almost forgets that both of you are on a BDSM dating site and the irony doesn’t escape him.

_DOC187: Deterred? Never. I think you’re rather interesting too, Miss Lilac._

_MISS—LILAC: Ever the gentleman doc. I’m hoping you won’t run away if I ask you more personal questions._

Spencer swallows. He types back quickly.

_DOC187: What kinds of questions?_

_MISS—LILAC: If it’s okay, you’re real name and what you do. My names Y/N, and I’m a florist. I live in DC and I love romance novels._

Spencer smiles. He appreciates you laying down the path for him, knowing the stakes.

_DOC187: My names Spencer and I work for the FBI. I also live in DC, and I love magic._

_MISS—LILAC: Magic? I’d love for you to show me sometime._

Spencer swallows. Part of him feels like it’s a stupid idea to ask you out so early but if you asked, he’d likely say yes. He decides to wait it out.

_DOC187: I’d be more than happy to show you._

_MISS—LILAC: I suppose you could send me a video but that’s not the same as seeing the magic in real life, now is it?_

Spencer is smiling like an idiot at this point. He shakes his head a little, jittery.

_DOC187: Infinitely better live, I would say._

_MISS—LILAC: Seems like I’ve found an excuse to ask you on a date then. Saturday’s work for me but I’m sure it depends on you, FBI man. Before that, I’m gonna drop my number and I’ll be expecting your call. (XXX-XXX-XXXX)_

Spencer giggles. It’s a little out of range for things he’s used to doing, giggling aloud for someone else is certainly new. Spencer picks up his phone and dials away, anxious to call you but excited nonetheless. He heard you pick up the phone and his heart catches in his throat.

“Hello?,” Your voice is smooth, and a little bit lower than he was expecting. It sounds pretty.

“Hello, Y/N,” Spencer says back. He heard you laugh on the other side and can’t help the way his heart flutters.

“Lovely to talk to you doc,”

“Still Doc? Not Spencer?” Spencer questions. You smile on the other side of the line.

“Doc seems to fit you. But, for the sake of formality, hello Spencer,”

“I like Doc too, but it feels like I should have a nickname for you as well. Only seems fair,” Spencer says laughing quietly.

“If it’s your prerogative you can call me Miss Lilac, or just Miss but…” you trail off for a minute. Spencer squints.

“Miss is a title, you know? Doesn’t seem fair for you to call me that when I haven’t earned it from you yet. I’m sure we’ll get there but for now you can just call me Y/N,” you say softly. Spencer blushes bright red, his voice betraying him as he speaks.

“O-Oh, well um - where does the name Lilac come from? Normally people go with their names when it comes to stuff like that,” Spencer says shyly. He heard you laugh on the other side of the phone and blushes again, grateful you can’t see him.

“I love the language of flowers and flowers themselves. It’s a way to speak that not many people know - but I like the meaning and look of lilacs. White lilacs represent purity, so that was a bit of irony, but light purple lilacs mean first love,” you say carefully.

“First love?,” Spencer asks. You bite your lip for a moment.

“I joke that BDSM is my first love since it’s such a big part of my life. Not as big as some but not small for certain. It gave me much needed confidence so I joke that it was my first,” You say lightly. You hear Spencer giggle on the other side and you smile.

“What about your username? Any significance to DOC187 that I should know of?,” you readjust your seat on your couch as you talk. Spencer grows a bit embarrassed.

“I normally introduce myself as Doctor Spencer Reid for work, not a medical doctor but I have three PhD’s,” Spencer admits. You raise your brows but hear the hesitation in his voice.

“Very, very impressive doc. What about the 187? It could be a plain ol’ number but my guess would be otherwise,”

“That’s my IQ, actually. I don’t think intelligence can be boiled down and quantified like that but I couldn’t think of anything else,” Spencer explains.

“So you’re a certified genius with 3 PhD’s? To say I’m impressed is an understatement. Anything else impressive you’d like to tell me before I totally pick your brains,” you say a little shocked.

“You wanna pick my brains?,” Spencer asks. You wanna laugh at the irony of such a silly question from such an intelligent man but you refrain.

“Who wouldn’t?,” you say incredulously. Spencer smiles shyly.

“The only other thing is that I can read 20,000 words per minute,” Spencer says trying to deflect. Your jaw dropped before but it manages to unhinge a little further.

“There’s a lot to get to know about you Doctor Reid,”

“I’m sure it’s the same for you,” Spencer replies.

“Guess we’ll have to find out won’t we?,” you say smiling.

Damn, Spencer got lucky. Hopefully he’d get to find out soon

_____

“Reid, are you listening?,” Derek’s voice snaps Spencer out of his entranced state. His smiling expression snaps up to look at Derek who looks a little exasperated.

“Sorry, what was that?,” Spencer asks back. Derek puts down the case file they were working on. They had just finished a case and needed to complete some paperwork before submitting it for review and to be used in court. The job was given to him and Morgan and Spencer was evidently distracted.

“Alright, kid - what is up with you? All case you’ve been checking your phone non-stop and spacing out, all smiles and giggles. C'mon now kid, seriously. You got a little lady at home waiting for you or is there something else I don’t know about?,” Derek interrogates. Spencer doesn’t really know what to make of it, though it’s not really in his interest to hide you, it hasn’t really come up with anyone on the team yet so it was proving difficult to decide what to do. The smile on his face manages to appear again as he starts to think about you, the tips of his ears red.

“Reid,” Morgan says again, with a small look of irritation.

“Her names Y/N,” Spencer blurts out faster than he can’t think. Derek gives him a huge grin, holding his hand out to dap Spencer up. Spencer just looks at it confused for a second before getting the memo.

“‘My man,” Derek says chuckling. Before Spencer can continue Prentiss, JJ, and Garcia walk in. Hotch is the only one missing, and Spencer’s a little grateful.

“What are we celebrating in here you guys?,” Prentiss asks first. Spencer goes to say something to move away from his sudden confession but Derek is quick to cut him off.

“Our boy genius over here got him a little lady,” Derek announces. The whole team erupts in questions and Spencer wants to bury himself.

“Congratulations, Spencer!! How long have you two been dating?,” Prentiss asks.

“You guys are so dramatic. It’s only been two months but no first date because well…” Spencer trails off. JJ just nods her head.

“Duty calls, I’m guessing” JJ finishes. Spencer nods deflated hearing Emily draw a breath between her teeth.

“That’s tough, Spence,”

Just as Spencer goes to give a response back he gets a text from you that makes his day a little better. It’s a selfie of you at work, a picture your employee must’ve taken of you in a room full of new flower deliveries. You’re giving Spencer a toothy grin as you hold a bunch of gardenias in your hand.

_Y/N 🌸: *image attachment*_

_Gardenias// You’re lovely + Secret Love <33_

Spencer cannot control the way his whole face bunches up in a smile, as if there’s no one else in the room with him. Everyone just looks at him surprised, Garcia giving him a side-eye.

“How can you guys trust this stranger? We don’t even know who she is! I haven’t even run any background checks on her,” Garcia complains. Prentiss nudges her side.

“I don’t know if it matters - look at how hard he’s smiling over there,” Prentiss says. Garcia reluctantly looks and can’t help but sigh.

“Okay well he seems really happy but still! We don’t even know her,” she pouts.

“I’m sure we’ll meet her soon,” JJ snickers at Spencer’s lovestruck expression. Derek leans over Spencer’s shoulder and raises his brows.

“Is that her, kid?,” Derek asks. Spencer nods, simply staring at the picture you sent. Derek whistles when he sees you - you’re genuinely stunning and he’s surprised to say the least.

“Hot mama, pretty boy - how’d you manage that?,” Derek asks, dumbfounded. Emily rolls her eyes.

“C'mon Derek, I’m sure - oh wow,” Emily leans over Spencer’s shoulder to see you and is met with the same reaction. JJ and Garcia are quick to follow thereafter, both looking equally as surprised.

“She’s…” JJ trails off. The rest of the team just nods as Spencer grins ear to ear.

_Spencer 🐻: Beautiful, as always._

Spencer ignores the rest of the team as they look at each other in disbelief.

_Y/N🌸: Me or the flowers, Doc?_

_Spencer🐻: Both, but mostly you._

“Wow, Spencer you’re really -” Prentiss starts

“You’re whipped, kid. I mean seriously whipped,” Derek finishes, nodding in agreement. JJ can’t help but smile, giving Spencer a small pat on the back.

“She seems lovely, Spencer. How’d you two meet?,” JJ says. Garcia stands around looking rather suspicious. A blush creeps onto Spencer’s neck as he’s reminded of how you two met.

“Online,” Spencer says shortly. No one decides to question it, and Spencer thanks every god he can think of.

“Have you two FaceTimed yet? How can we know she’s not, I don’t know - catfishing you? Or scamming you in some other cyber criminal way?,” Garcia sounds distressed. Spencer gives a small smile.

“We fall asleep over FaceTime every night,” Spencer admits. Penelope’s expression falls, and Prentiss gives a smile.

“That is disgustingly cute,” JJ says laughing.

“Okay, well - I’m still running a background check on her,” Garcia says stubbornly “But, I’m happy for you,”

“Thanks Garcia,” Spencer mumbles out as he texts you again.

_Y/N🌸: I wanna see you, love_

Spencer blushes red as he reads your message. The word love makes his whole face hot.

_Spencer🐻: I can’t take a selfie for my life_

_Y/N🌸: You’re with your team aren’t you? Get them to take a picture of you._

Spencer wants to fold away, not ever really being the picture type, but how could he ever deny you.

_Spencer🐻: How could I ever say no to you?_

“Hey guys, can one of you take a picture of me for Y/N?” Spencer asks embarrassingly red. The whole team sends him a look of surprise.

“I’ll take it Spence, try not to look as uncomfortable as you do right now,” JJ says. The whole team refrains from laughing as Spencer gives an awkward smile. He thanks JJ who hands him back his phone before texting you again.

_Spencer🐻: *image attachment* You owe me one_

_Y/N🌸: you’re stunning as always. hadn’t seen you in so long I almost forgot what you looked like._

_Spencer🐻: stunnings an interesting choice of words._

_Y/N🌸: I said what I said, doc._

Spencer can’t help but do a little giggle, that causes the whole team to give him a look. Morgan just shakes his head, shrugging. Emily, JJ, and Garcia just look at each other before the room draws into a subtle but comfortable silence as Spencer just smiles, totally unaware of how whipped he happened to look. He didn’t seem to mind either way. 

___

“How was work?,” Spencer asks over the phone, kicking his shoes off as he looks into his fridge for something to eat. He hears you sigh on the other side of the line.

“Busy today - wedding season is coming up so tons of calls for centerpiece designs and costs. It’s going well though, business couldn’t be better,” you say, clearly tired yet content. Spencer gives a small smile and feels relieved that things are going okay for you.

“That’s really good. I’m glad you’re feeling alright,” Spencer replies. You ease into the couch as you talk to Spencer, relaxing by the second. 

“What about you, FBI man? You have an okay day?,” Your voice is full of a gentle concern that Spencer appreciates.

“Yeah, just paperwork and JJ said that we shouldn’t have any upcoming cases this week to be worried about so I have the weekend off,” Spencer says without thought.

“Have any special plans for the weekend?,” you say cheekily. Spencer, still not having caught on, shakes his head for a second.

“No, why?,”

“Hm… well - would you like to go on a date with me then Doctor Reid?,” You ask, giggling. Spencer’s eyes widen in realization as he facepalms for a moment.

“Wow, I didn’t even think… yes - yes I would love to go on a date with you Y/N,” Spencer says laughing at his own misfortune. You shake your head instinctively, but the growing smile and even further growing adoration makes it hard to sit still.

“Hey, Spencer,” you say, butterflies filling your stomach.

“Yeah?”

“I really like you,”

____

Saturday comes quicker than Spencer can really understand. You told him not to worry about what the days plans would be but he can’t help it. Anxiously awaiting you in front of the cafe that the two of you were supposed to meet at, in a part of town Spencer hasn’t really seen before. You said that you’d lead the way and the irony isn’t lost on him.

“Spencer?,” Your voice is small, as you call out to what you think is Spencer Reid. Of course, you’d seen him before but to see him in person like this was still so unfamiliar. His head shoots up, eyes searching for you. He’s delighted to have found you, certainly that was true as he walks towards you. Your arms envelop him in a friendly hug and he can’t help but find himself sinking into. You smelled sweet, like fruit and flowers (which makes sense, the more he thinks about it)

“Lovely to finally meet you, Y/N,”

“Same goes for you, doc. Would you like to be informed of our plans for the day, or do you prefer the element of surprise?," You ask smiling. Spencer laughs at your question.

"Details would be appreciated, but I get the feeling you’re not gonna give me those.”

“You’re right! It’s a trick question, since it’s a surprise. But, promise it’ll be good,”

“I’ll take your word for it then,” Spencer says with a small smile. You hold your hand out for Spencer which he accepts, locking his hands with yours. The affection makes him feel full of warmth, as you lead him away for the day you had planned for the both of you.

___

Spencer underestimated how well you knew him. He really, really did. It’s hard to explain since Spencers been on a date before but this was so profoundly different. He’s a little touched, but beyond that he’s just.. surprised? Every date he’d been on before this, he’d have to play the gentleman but it never seemed like the other person was interested in just him. It was always casual small-talk over dinner, or a mid-day coffee date or something else that just felt mundane but this was beyond Spencer’s imagination.

The first place you took him was a bookstore - which was in Spencers mind already a winner for best date he’d ever been on. You walked inside with him and told him he had to pick up a book for you and you had to pick up a book for him and to say his heart absolutely fluttered would be an understatement. He picked up up a copy of “The Screwtape Tales,” by C.S. Lewis for you, and you gave him a copy of Shel Silverstein’s “Where The Sidewalk Ends.” For you, you got a glimpse to see what Spencer’s sense of humor was and you gave Spencer a piece of your childhood. Both equal but opposite forms of intimacy. The only thing was Spencer had to wait to read his book because it’s relatively shorter than yours and he reads 20,000 words per minute.

The next place you took Spencer was an indoor butterfly garden. Does he have to explain why that’s a good date? He heard you talk about all the scientific names for the different flowers and why they attract butterflies and he wasn’t sure he could crush any harder on you if he tried. A particular moment sticks out to him on which a butterfly landed on your shoulders and just stayed there like it didn’t want to leave. Spencer’s eyes were fixated on it the whole time - and he had never wanted to be a butterfly in his life before but he figures there’s a first time for everything.

The last place, where the both of you were at now was just a small coffee shop, locally owned and supported by the community here. You told Spencer that when you started up your shop, you’d come in here to work on big orders before you’d expanded enough to have employees. Spencer admires your work ethic, much more than he could ever anticipate as he sits down at a small booth, totally covering the both of you as you return to the table with a little plate of banana bread and two iced coffees. Spencer pouts as he looks up at you, watching you flash him a grin.

“I could’ve helped you carry this over,” Spencer complains gently. You roll your eyes.

“Maybe next time doc,” you say softly. You hold back your commentary often on the date, and Spencer pretends not to notice for your sake but he’d be lying if he said he didn’t wanna know. You always had something sly to say but you’d kept it from him so many times now he figures it’s better if he didn’t ask.

Spencer looks at you as you push a plate of banana bread towards him. He looks at you with curious eyes before reading your clearly excited face and laughs. He picks up a piece and examines it, before taking a bite. If it tasted as good as it smelled then he would be more than obliged.

The involuntary moan that escapes Spencer’s throat makes you choke with laughter. Shit, you weren’t kidding when you said this was the best banana bread in the city. Spencer just looks up at you like he’s about to cry with joy as you double over in giggles.

“I know,” You say softly, taking a bite yourself eyes filling with joy “I ordered some more for us to take home - you’re welcome,” you say with confidence. Spencer smiles because that is genuinely thoughtful, but it was more endearing to see you pretend it wasn’t. He just shakes his head, a blush arising to his face as he looks at you. You’re staring at him with intent. He quirks his brow at you in question.

“I had a good time today, Spencer” You say warmly. You only called him Spencer when you were saying something affectionate and a bit serious. He gives you a toothy smile.

“I haven’t been on very many dates, but this was easily the best one I’d ever been on,” Spencer says honestly. You grin ear to ear, hands carefully holding Spencer across the table, running your thumb over his knuckles for a few seconds. You couldn’t say for sure whether it was too soon to ask him to be your boyfriend, but you’d be damned if you said it didn’t cross your mind.

Spencer was mind-numbingly unaware of what good boyfriend material he was, but beyond that - what good submissive boyfriend material he was. It was driving you nuts, but you knew this was all new for him and you didn’t wanna freak him out. Even when guys say they’re interested in being submissive, they’re still often times uncomfortable with you being fully dominant. Dominant in public and in bed, if you will. You wanted to pay for dates, and buy him flowers, and make him feel special too - at least on the occasion. That role came naturally to you, that let me make you feel owned type affection that only a dominant person can give. It scared men off - out of relationships, and you totally got why - but you liked Spencer too much as a person to risk iit.

Spencer holds your hands together, gathering your attention. You looked at him spaced out and he gives you a look of concern.

“You okay?,” Spencer asks. You nod, chewing your lip in debate of whether or not you should express your concerns. Spencer just tugs on your hand and looks at you intently.

You sigh, looking at Spencer softly.

“I’m okay I just really like you,” you say a little exasperated. Spencer laughs but is filled with relief.

“I’m glad to hear that. What else is on your mind?,”

“I really like you - like in an, I want you to officially by my boyfriend way and I hope it’s not too soon but I’m just, worried I guess,” you say nervously. Spencer can’t help the way his heart beats in his chest when he hears you say boyfriend. God did he want to be your boyfriend.

“What’re you worried about?,”

“I’m worried about freaking you out. I can be a lot since I’m… you know?,” You say nervously. Spencer looks at you to continue.

“I’m more than just dominant in bed, and for a lot of guys it’s not their thing and that’s their right but I like you so much. I really don’t want that to happen if I ask you out now and you realize that it’s not for you,” you say in clear upset.

Spencer looks at you in disbelief. You were worried that he was gonna freak out over that? That you were too dominant for him? It feels like such a silly concern but the expression on your face tells him you’re speaking from experience.

“I mean, it’s all kinda new to me but, well - I do like how you treat me? It’s a nice change, I can’t imagine myself getting tired of it, or of you. I really like you too,” Spencer tried his best to reassure you without totally embarrassing you. You smiles at Spencer but your face is still full of doubt.

“If that ever changes, I’ll tell you but I’d really like to call you my girlfriend,” Spencer finishes. You can’t help the warmth that spreads in your stomach at the offer. You just nod, looking up at him. You stand and walk to Spencer’s side of the booth, sliding in next to him, leaning your head into his shoulder for a few while seconds. You sit back up, and Spencer turns to you.

“Hey, doc,” you say softly. Spencer hums in acknowledgement.

“Can I kiss you?,” you ask softly. Spencer chews his lip and nods, looking down at your lip. You’re wearing lipgloss and it makes them look pretty - you are so pretty to Spencer.

Kisses are their own language, Spencer figures. The way someone kisses you can tell you a lot about who they are - so, when you put your hands on the side of Spencer’s face, pulling him closer to you with such care and adoration - Spencer can feel what you were referencing earlier. The word Miss rings out in his mind, the way you pay attention to him with your hands. He feels your lips press against his, slowly gliding your fingers in his hair, thumb brushing agains the side of his cheek. Your other hand rested on his inner thigh and he has to think about anything other than that not to get hard. Spencer didn’t get how much he’d been thinking about touching you until you’d do with no hesitation and he lets out a small whine. You pull back and Spencer has to catch his breath.

His lashes blink up at you and you’re absolutely beaming.

“You’re cute baby,”

Baby? Spencer wants to cover his face when you say it. You kiss him again and he can’t help but feel flush.

You were Spencer’s girlfriend and then some and he couldn’t be more happy.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spencer can’t stop thinking of you but he’s too nervous to do anything about it. You’ve got doubts that only he can fix and he has questions only you can answer. Spencer really likes being choked, apparently.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey yall, heres chapter 2 of this fic. theres general introduction of bdsm here but it doesn't go into full depth, the rest of the fic will break stuff down slowly. just the basics in this chapter.

_Look at you baby, your lashes are so long, aren’t they? Such a pretty boy,“ your voice rings out softly in Spencer’s ears. A light sheen of sweat coats his chest as he feels your fingers around his dick, his throat caught - words disappearing from him._

_"Fuck - please, Miss I’m gonna -,” Spencer’s voice is broken when he feels an orgasm wash over him._

Then of course, Spencer wakes up. Sunlight hitting his eyes as he blinks himself awake. He can feel it in his pajama pants, still not having registered the content of his dream before he looks down to see the massive mess. It’s managed to happen a 3rd time, and its only been a week. Spencer shuts his eye in disdain as he stands up, pulling his pants off and tossing them in a hamper before he heads into the shower.

Spencer hates cold showers, he remember this fact as the water beats down on his back as he washes himself up. He washes his hair while he tries to compartmentalize the situation.

Like Spencer mentions, it’s the 3rd time he’s had a dream that wakes him up in such a pleasant way. You two had been dating for 2 ish months now, but Spencer chokes everytime you try and take things further. You never give him shit for it, which is more than relieving to him. You always reassure him that the two of you can take your time and that it’s okay if he doesn’t want it right away.

You were an angel, he knew that for sure but Spencer _did_ want it. He was just, well - as nervous as a person could be. He still hasn’t really talked to you about any of that, not about how it would work the first time the two of you did.. it. He didn’t even know if you still wanted that - he’d been too petrified to ask if you still wanted to dominate him or if maybe that’d change now that you actually knew him. He didn’t even know how to bring it up, or if there was a time for him to do just that. The whole thing filled him with such intense anxiety, he just didn’t bring it up at all.

But, he wants to go further with you. He likes you so fucking much - of course he wanted to go further with you. He figured you knew that.

You didn’t, really. You figured Spencer found you unattractive to some extent so he just kept putting off sleeping with you. It felt like a juvenile insecurity to have but well - he always reacts so poorly anytime you take this further. You knew he was anxious but there was always that self-loathing voice that told you that it was your fault, that he just didn’t find you attractive enough. You pretended it didn’t hurt since you like him so much, but it was starting to take it’s toll.

On both ends, it was a fucking mess. Neither of you really knew why it was a mess for the other person, but it sure was one.

Spencer gets out of the shower when he hears a knock on the door. His eyes flit up to his analog clock on the wall, you were here right in time, Spencer thinks. He throws on an oversized sweater and some jeans that you bought for him. He liked them but he only really wore them cause you like them so much.

Spencer can’t help the butterflies that fill his stomach when he sees you. Your eyes are dolled up in this pretty dark eye shadow, and red lipstick. You’re pretty, dark and pretty but still pretty. The makeup was just new. Spencer feels like he’s choking as he looks at your smiling expression Spencer shuts the door behind you as he lets you in.

“You ready to get brunch?,” you ask Spencer. He dries his hair off and finds something to style it with as he walks back into the bathroom. All stuff that’s new that you’ve introduced him too. He likes using the stuff that you told him to use though cause it makes his hair look less greasy.

“Yeah, but we’ve got some time before then - right?,” Spencer ask. You smile and nod your head as you walk up behind Spencer, wrapping your arms around his waist. He feels small - your actual size unimportant to the way you make him feel. You pat his sweater down, hands dangerously close to his waist as you look at him, eyes gleaming. You give him a small grin when you peak over, as Spencer’s eyes meet yours in a small blush. Your hands find themselves underneath his sweater, brushing his waist as you sway into him. Spencer focuses so much on doing his hair, just trying not to get hard.

“What should we do in that time?,” you ask, mostly to yourself. You know Spencer probably won’t do what you were thinking of doing. Spencer just blushes before shrugging, finished fixing up his hair as he moves away from your touch. You’re a little hurt, not tryng to let it show as he walks back out into his living room, you following suit.

“I think they’re playing some animal planet re-reruns,” Spencer suggests. You give Spencer a small, half-hearted smile.

“Yeah sure,” you say softly. You don’t mean to be disappointed because you really do respect Spencer boundaries. You don’t ever wanna do something that he’s not a 100% down for and you just like him so much it doesn’t matter. You had to admit though - god, you wanted to fuck his brains out and the fact that he may not return those feelings hurt a little more than your ego wanted to admit. Spencer seems to sense your disheartened demeanor, and with trying to ignore his immediate panic he looks over to you as you lean into him on the couch. He moves away from you for a few moments to look at you, and you turn to him confused.

“Are you okay?,” Spencer asks concern. You give him a small smile and nod, taking his hands in yours and playing with his fingers. Spencer looks at you for a while longer before you begin to talk.

“It’s nothing serious - it’s kinda silly actually, so we don’t -,”

“Hey,” Spencer pauses. You look up at him, his eyes so full of concern. You can’t help the way your heart melts, leaning up to meet Spencer’s lips for a second. You look at the clock, still a good hour before the two of you have your plans. You sigh, looking down into your lap before you speak.

“I just wanna say first, that I totally respect any and all of your boundaries regarding sex - and I would never, ever pressure you into something you don’t wanna do,” you say slowly. Spencers nerves crawl up his back but he waits for you to continue.

“But uhm, well - I don’t know, I guess I just wanna know if you still, well or if you ever wanted to sleep with me. Like ah, you know, maybe you found me unattractive. I mean, I get it - I guess I’d uhm, just wanna know beforehand,” you trail off, unsure of how to say your comments. Spencers a little incredulous - did you genuinely think the reason he’d been avoiding sex was because you weren’t attractive to him? Spencer just shakes his head violently, wanting to say so much but not wanting to scare you away with his words.

“Well, uhm - no it’s not that at all. I think you’re super attractive, and I defintely want to.. you know - with you I mean,” Spencer starts, feeling the way your hand tightens around his instinctevely. This the most vunerable you’ve been with Spencer in your relationship so he wants to make sure you know how much he cares

“I have dreams about it, like all the time recently. I really like you, and I really do think you’re very beautiful, I guess I’m just - nervous, you know? I don’t know what to do, especially since we’ve never done that before and we met under such.. interesting circumstances. I don’t know how to approach it,”

“You have wet dreams about me?,” you say, a little too excited for your own good. Spencer blushes before nodding.

“Huh, I just openly admitted that didn’t I? To answer your question, yes - I had one before you came over,” Spencer remembers. You give him a cheeky grin and he hides his face in his head, groaning. You only laugh, pull them away before kissing his knuckles. You were more than pleased to hear this info. You stand and sit down in Spencers lap, hands on the side of his face. He gives you a small, gentle smile.

“It’s okay if you’re not ready to talk about sex at all, but it may help if we cover general BDSM code and standard. Nothing has to be decided or talked about if you don’t want, but maybe just going over it will ease your mind up,” you say softly to Spencer. His nerves settles as you continue to reassure him - your behavior is so perfectly soothing. The hand on his back, the softness in your voice and your reassurance, Spencer knew you were experienced but he was still impressed. Spencer just nods, letting you pepper kisses all over his face that made his expression scrunch up. Cute. Spencer was so cute.

“Yeah, that sounds good,” Spencer manages to push out. You give him a warm smile. You move away to sit next to him, still maintaining physical contact but clearly becoming more serious.

“The most important thing to know is that everyone practices BDSM differently. There are two common standard procedures that people use, however - safe, sane, and consensual is the most common. It’s just saying that both parties are participating in something that is just as it implies, and it prioritizes safety. Knowing you, I’m sure you’ve read up on most of this, but it doesn’t hurt to explain,” you say softly. Spencer nods, he did already know a lot of what you were talking about.

“The other is ‘Risk-Aware Consensual Kink,’ which is where both parties are participating in something they knew could have consequences that are harmful. In both situations - both parties need to be aware and understand the lengths of whatever they’re participating in. It’s the core of all BDSM practice, and since this is all new for you - let me be clear that your safety and sanity come first to me always. BDSM is a psychological thing at heart so making sure you’re okay is firs priority,” you clarify. Spencer is in awe by how.. well-spoken you were about it. He knew you were experienced but it was more than you let on. Spencer just nods, unsure of what to say.

“You’ve actually done this before, but the same goes for me - you know,” Spencer adds. You give him a sweet kiss which he returns.

“Thank you, love. With all that, the way you assure someone’s safety is obviously having discussions about limits but also by developing a safeword and system to make sure that a scene can stop at any point. It’s especially important to make sure that those words are a out of place. You shouldn’t use words like "Stop,” or “No,” as safewords because in some peoples play they refuse something as a part of foreplay or a part of the scene. Maybe a submissive whose being bratty is refusing something but they’re okay with it happening - thats when a safeword can come in. If a partner at any point wants to tap out, they use that word,“ you explain.

Spencer nods in understanding, he didn’t even think about people using those words for the purposes of foreplay or whatever else. He gives you a curious look, as you lean back. Instinctively, Spencer moves himself to lay his head on your lap which you’d sorta pavloved onto him. You’d always pat your lap when you wanted Spencer to do it, and at first it was so embarrassing but you’d do it so much he just sorta got used to it. You run your hands through his hair, the other one on his chest. His face is a little hot.

"For me, I like the stoplight system - Red meaning stop completely, yellow meaning slow down and let’s talk about this, and green meaning go, I’m totally down for this. I like that system because it’s a lot easier to get a sense of how the other person wants the scene to go, and if I want to try something, I can ask my submissive 'Color?,’ and they can respond however they like. If they say yellow, I can break character and ask them whats up which can give them some real reassurance. Every submissive is different, but this sytem is really universal and easy to keep up with, ” you say lovingly, patting Spencers chest rhythmically. You look down at his expression with serious eyes.

“Listen to me carefully when I say this my love - if we participate in a scene and there is a single doubt about what’s happening, you use one of your safewords no questions asked. Using your words with me or any other signals may discuss is so important and it doesn’t make you a bad submissive - okay? We are equals, always. Even if you want me to step on you, or call you pathetic - we are still equals and always will be, okay pretty boy?,” you say in a stern, but loving voice. Spencer just nods, softly - so far he doesn’t have many questions though he’s sure that’ll change at some point. Spencer nods, leaning his face into your hand as you cup his cheek. You lean down and place a kiss on his lips.

“I know I’ve been talking a lot, but lemme hear your thoughts, yeah? Anything,” you ask Spencer.

“It’s weird - I’ve done so much research on safe BDSM practices and understand all this stuff in theory but it seems so different in practice,” Spencer comments lightly. You nod, letting him continue.

“One thing that I did notice was that you use If/When scenarios about you dominating me and I wasn’t really sure what that was about. We are girlfriend and boyfriend, doesn’t that sorta just imply you are my dom?,” Spencer asks. You give him a pat on the chest before you go into explanation.

“It certainly helps that we’re dating but you and your submission is something to be earned. We’ve never discussed in length until today, but of course - I was hoping that you’d want that from me. It’s really just like an everyday relationship, but a lot more involved in trust and respect. We have a strong romantic connection which is really lovely, because it builds a lot of that trust and respect that you need to practice BDSM healthily and safely. I wanna lead you so I can see you grow, and hopefully, you wanna submit to me out of respect - those sorts of things,” you say, playing with Spencer’s hands. Spencer just nods, looking up at you.

“Will you be my dom, then? I want you to be. I don’t think I could really imagine it being anyone else,” Spencer asks out of the blue. You weren’t expecting the question so suddenly, or the way your heart rips through your chest hearing it. It’s so simple and innocent when Spencer asks.

“I mean, I’d love too but are you really sure? I mean -,” you try to think of a reason for Spencer to say no but you really cant. Spencer just smiles at you, sitting up to look at you completely.

“I trust you so much because I know you’d never do anything to hurt me on purpose - I mean unless I asked but, you know what I mean. I’m more sure than I was about asking you to be my girlfriend because you’re just a trustworthy person. You’re smart and kind and lovely all around. I know I’m new to this but theres no one I trust more than you to teach me. I really like you,” Spencer says warmly. You wrap your arms around him, avoiding the tears in your eyes. Spencer is so sweet, reassuring by nature and it makes your heart yearn.

“Well, then - yes, I’d love to be your dom. And to answer your question about what we do for the first time, it’ll be rather purely vanilla. No hijinks, just regular sex - since it’s your first time partaking in BDSM with someone else, we gotta go really slowly so you don’t have to worry. It might make you a little impatient but have faith in the process,” you explain softly. Spencer is relishing in the fact that you know so much - you seem to have such a tight grasp on what you were doing he had no urges to question you. You lead so naturally, you don’t demand anything from him but still, Spencer follows you. Spencer would follow you into the darkness if you kept speaking to him like that.

“We’ll discuss things slowly and we’ll make it really easy, okay? Once I get to know you a little more in bed, we can plan and talk about our first scene. It takes time to figure this stuff out, you know,” You play with Spencers hair as you look over to the clock. 27 ish minutes before you two went out for brunch. Spencer sits up, face flush as he opens his mouth to try and ask you for what he wanted - now that he knew what was on the table his mind was thinking of everything he was missing. All the touches he was aching for you to give him. Spencers eyes were a little lost as he tries to explain to you.

“Can we -? I mean, would you, you know - uhm,” Spencer voice can’t get the words out. You give Spencer a small smile as he leans back into the couch. You pull your dress up, straddling Spencer’s lap, and Spencer’s throat dries up. He can’t speak as he feels your heat up against his jeans. He’s hard nearly immediately, a painful feeling for his dick up against the tight denim. Spencer stares up at you startled, a playful smile on your face. You place your hands on Spencers chest, feeling him up before settling your hands on the side of his face base of his neck. You lean in slowly, breath brushing Spencers ears as he heart pounds against his chest. His body felt a little out of control, and you just seemed to be so comfortable Spencer didn’t know how to deal. He’s so aware of the where your fingers seem to linger around his neck - he wants to blurt out “Choke me, please,” but the words seems to disappear when he opens his mouth.

“You want me to touch you, Spencer?,” you ask softly. Spencer nods violently and you can’t help but laugh, maintaining eye contact for a few agonizing seconds. You lean in to kiss Spencer as your hands work the zipper of his jeans, your fingers making indirect contact with Spencer’s cock. He whines aloud - he’s sensitive, apparently. You can’t help your pleased reaction as you pull his erection of his boxers - the tip is swollen, you can feel it ache under your touch. Spencer’s eyes roll up in the back of his head, despite you having barely done anything for him at all.

“How fast do you think you can get off, baby?,”

Baby. Fuck, Spencer liked when you called him that. It was so natural to you, and Spencer just sighs.

“Fast,” Spencer admits, a little embarrassed. He’d never needed to cum that quickly before in his life, yet here you were making him feel like he’d break at any second if you touch him too long. He was an adult but the thought of having sex with his girlfriend made him feel like he was gonna fucking combust.

“I cum first today, hope that’s okay with you,” you tell Spencer warmly. He gives you a nod, he’s more than okay with that. You guide his wrist under your dress, feeling his hands palm through your panties. You moan quietly, and Spencers pleased with himself. It’s hard for you to not just tell him to lay back so you can sit on his face - because god did you wanna do that.

“You lead the way,” you joke to Spencer, more just telling him that he has permission to do his thing. Spencer just nods, as you lean into his neck to bite hickies into it. Spencers hands are careful with you, two fingers pressed against your clit as he rubs circular motions, his other hand holding your waist steady.

“A little faster, love,” you ask Spencer. He just nods as he hears your voice, soft sighs falling from your lips as you feel your orgasm build in your core. Spencer likes you so much, he’s so eager to please you in every way so when you finally reach your orgasm, Spencer doesn’t hesitate on letting you ride out your high. His dick is pulsating against your thigh, as you finish up and flutter your eyes open to look at him. Spencer gives you a small smile, eyes looking for your approval as you give him a lazy smile.

Spencer watches you pick your bag up from the couch, laughing as he sees you pull out a condom. He gives you a look of surprise and you just shrug, rolling it on for him.

Your lipsticks mostly on but smudged a bit as you kiss Spencer, lifting your hips up before settling back around Spencer’s cock. You feel so good around him, the feeling of your lingering orgasm gripping him tight makes him choke. You ride Spencer with ease, hands around the base of his neck. Fuck - Spencer wants you to choke him so bad.

“Choke me, please,” Spencer spits out. You give Spencer a look.

“Are you sure, love?,”

Spencer strains for a second, feeling his orgasm coming at him full speed before squeezing out another “please”. You debate for a second, but you figure non-kinky couples do this all the time and you tighten your hands around the base of his neck.

Spencer relishes the way the air leaves his lungs and doesn’t return. He loves the way you look at him when you do it, the way you adore how much he’s under control. He tries to calm down but before he can think, his orgasm shoots up his spine as he looks at you pleadingly. You purposefully clench around him and Spencer’s leg twitches underneath you. Your grip on his neck releases immediately and he misses the feeling of you around his neck, cumming into the condom with a heavy sigh.

“I really like you,” Spencer breathes out as you cum. You bubble up with laughter as you kiss his cheek, a little red pair of lips sitting on it. He goes to wipe it off but you stop his hand, grabbing his wrist.

“Leave it,” you say, an edge to your voice. Spencer can’t help but nod, touching it carefully as you slip off of him. You pull off the condom for Spencer, throwing it in the trashcan of his bathroom before heading to his bathroom with your bad. Spencer follows suit, wiping himself clean with a wet-wipe before tucking himself back into his jeans. Spencer watches you fix your makeup in the mirror, as he clings onto you in the mirror. You turn to him, wetting your lips before kissing that same spot, then using your little brush to put powder on it. You smile, leaning up to kiss him on the lips. He wraps his arms around your waist instinctively.

“Now it’ll stay put. And, I really like you too,” you say, rubbing his back as he hugs you. He may have been tall but he clings to you like a big baby. It was so damn endearing.

Spencer’s heart beats so loudly in his chest. You were so lovely, you smelled good, and tasted nice and were so sweet to Spencer. Spencer liked you so fucking much, he just wanted to stay like this forever and the best part was you liked Spencer too. The way you rubbed his back, soothing him and humming as you gave him the affection he always dreamed of made him feel more happy than he could imagine. When he pulls away and you look at him, you place your hands on the side of his face and smile.

“You’re so pretty, doc,” you say. Doc - you only called him that when you felt affectionate. Spencer blushes.

“So are you,”

If you two didn’t have a brunch reservation, Spencer was sure the two of you would stay like this forever. Not that he really minded, anyway.


End file.
